Greeting people in France
- Every day
One basic rule is that when two people meet each other (even if they know each other very well) for the first time that day they will greet each other with a hand shake or “les bises”. Successive meetings in the day do not require the greeting. This is pretty much systematic even if I arrive in a meeting in the French office and there are 12 people there, I will greet each one of them individually with one of the above methods. This does lead to strange situations when for example there are a group of people standing in the break room in the afternoon and someone else arrives they will often go through the group and either greet the person if they haven’t run into them that day or go past the people they have already greeted saying “..we saw each other already..” It is sometimes strange to hear someone going along “Hello, Hello, saw you already, hello, saw you this morning, hello, did we see each other already??…oh that was yesterday?..hello then, hello, saw you at lunch, hello, etc.”.
- “Les Bises”
These “kisses” are done by touching cheeks and making a little kiss sound, but you don’t actually touch the lips to their cheek. A bit strange at first, but you get the hang of it quickly. You then switch cheeks and repeat. Now here comes one of the strange and complicated parts, the number of “kisses” done caries depending on the region of France you are in! I am not sure of the entire geographical breakdown, but it is 2 “kisses” in Paris and “4″ near Nantes where I live but there are other parts of France where it is 3! To make it a little more complicated, even if you are in an area like Nantes where it is 4 “kisses”, if you now the person very well and/or see them very often and/or there is a big group that you need to greet, you may only do 2 “kisses” because it is quicker. This leads to moments where one person stops after 2 and the other one leans in awkwardly to do a 3rd “kiss” and they either stop at 2 or the other one realizes that they were going for a 3rd, so they react in time and do the last 2 “kisses”. It can be very awkward, but don’t worry, it happens between French people too.
- Handshake or kisses?
This is actually more complex than it would seem. For a group of people that know each other pretty well, like colleagues in the office or family, the basic rule is that guys shake hands with each other but do the “kisses” with the women. The women do the “kisses” with with men and with each other.
However, if it is in a professional setting (meeting with a customer or partner for example) then handshakes are standard no matter the sex. Also if you have never met the person before you will probably just shake hands until you no them better. This leads to other awkward moments where you may have met them a couple times but don’t know them that well, do you shake hands or do the “kisses”…it’s a judgement call.
Another exception is that sometimes men do the “kisses” between them when they are very close. But this depends on the person, some men won’t do this with any other men. Just to tell you how complicated it is, I had a colleague at another company who has two brothers and is close to both of them but with one he does the “kisses” and with the other he shakes hands!?!?
Here is another awkward situation, let’s say I meet a group of women that I am friends with and they have a friend with them that I have never met before. If I do the “kisses” with all of them, when I get to the new friend it would be awkward to shake hands. So, in this case you will often just do the “kisses” with the person you have never met before to avoid singling them out with a formal handshake.
How is an American supposed to figure all this out? 