Motor City to Montmartre

• Every day

One basic rule is that when two people meet each other (even if they know each other very well) for the first time that day they will greet each other with a hand shake or “les bises”. Successive meetings in the day do not require the greeting. This is pretty much systematic even if I arrive in a meeting in the French office and there are 12 people there, I will greet each one of them individually with one of the above methods.  This does lead to strange situations when for example there are a group of people standing in the break room in the afternoon and someone else arrives they will often go through the group and either greet the person if they haven’t run into them that day or go past the people they have already greeted saying “..we saw each other already..” It is sometimes strange to hear someone going along “Hello, Hello, saw you already, hello, saw you this morning, hello, did we see each other already??…oh that was yesterday?..hello then, hello, saw you at lunch, hello, etc.”.

• “Les Bises”

These “kisses” are done by touching cheeks and making a little kiss sound, but you don’t actually touch the lips to their cheek.  A bit strange at first, but you get the hang of it quickly. You then switch cheeks and repeat. Now here comes one of the strange and complicated parts, the number of “kisses” done caries depending on the region of France you are in!  I am not sure of the entire geographical breakdown, but it is 2 “kisses” in Paris and “4″ near Nantes where I live but there are other parts of France where it is 3! To make it a little more complicated, even if you are in an area like Nantes where it is 4 “kisses”, if you now the person very well and/or see them very often and/or there is a big group that you need to greet, you may only do 2 “kisses” because it is quicker.  This leads to moments where one person stops after 2 and the other one leans in awkwardly to do a 3rd “kiss” and they either stop at 2 or the other one realizes that they were going for a 3rd, so they react in time and do the last 2 “kisses”.  It can be very awkward, but don’t worry, it happens between French people too.

• Handshake or kisses?

This is actually more complex than it would seem. For a group of people that know each other pretty well, like colleagues in the office or family, the basic rule is that guys shake hands with each other but do the “kisses” with the women. The women do the “kisses” with with men and with each other.

However, if it is in a professional setting (meeting with a customer or partner for example) then handshakes are standard no matter the sex. Also if you have never met the person before you will probably just shake hands until you no them better.  This leads to other awkward moments where you may have met them a couple times but don’t know them that well, do you shake hands or do the “kisses”…it’s a judgement call. 

Another exception is that sometimes men do the “kisses” between them when they are very close. But this depends on the person, some men won’t do this with any other men.  Just to tell you how complicated it is, I had a colleague at another company who has two brothers and is close to both of them but with one he does the “kisses” and with the other he shakes hands!?!?

Here is another awkward situation, let’s say I meet a group of women that I am friends with and they have a friend with them that I have never met before.  If I do the “kisses” with all of them, when I get to the new friend it would be awkward to shake hands. So, in this case you will often just do the “kisses” with the person you have never met before to avoid singling them out with a formal handshake.

How is an American supposed to figure all this out? 

Pronouncing French words is often challenging for a native English speaker. When first learning French we are taught how to pronounce each letter of the alphabet. Some of them are tricky, for example the letter ‘G’ in French is pronounced almost exactly like we pronounce the letter ‘J’ in English and vice versa. This was tough to get the hang of at first. Also the letter ‘I’ in French is pronounced as we pronounce ‘E’ in English, but not vice versa.  The letter ‘E’ in French is pronounced ‘euh’ or something like that.

So, one day I was talking in French about basketball with a colleague in my office in Suresnes, France (just west of Paris) and I pronounced the acronym NBA with proper French pronunciation (”En, Bay, ah”). He laughed at me and said that they pronounce it with the English pronunciation (”En, Bee, Ay”). I didn’t understand this, but he said that since it is an English acronym they pronounce it in the English way as if it was a proper name.

OK, I accepted this and went about my business trying to remember that when I am speaking French and pronounce an English acronym I have to pronounce it as I do in English. Then the other day there was a discussion that somehow turned to discuss the American FBI and CIA and the French people pronounce FBI in the American way (”Eff, Bee, eye”) but they pronounce CIA in the French way (”Say, eee, ah”). I stopped them and pointed this out to them and the general reaction was, oh yeah, that’s true….I don’t know why, that’s just how it is.

There are a lot of things like that in French. It is a beautiful language but for every rule there is an exception. You can either become enraged and frustrated or cry out about how it is illogical and unfair or you can say “oh yeah, that’s true….I don’t know why, that’s just how it is”.

I’ve been living in France for over 5 years and there are some parts of the culture that I have adopted completely and others that I may never adopt.

This morning I had breakfast at home before taking the plane this morning (I’m going to Halifax, England for a few days for business).  I had my usual: bowl of cereal with milk, glass of orange juice. Although there are some people who surely eat something similar, the vast majority I have seen tend to have some variation that includes a hot drink and some kind of bread or pastry.  So, it could be hot tea with a “tartine” (a slice of bread with butter or jam or something); or hot chocolate and a croissant (it took me forever to be able to pronounce this word somewhat correctly); or maybe a bowl (or big mug of coffee) and some “brioche”(a sweet bread).

Of course on the weekend, I do like a heartier breakfast; a couple fried eggs and toast; omelette and hash browns; pancakes and eggs, etc.  But eggs in the morning to a French person it is definitely a foreign concept.  They can’t imagine having it themselves, for them eggs are reserved for lunch or dinner.  It would be like an American having spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast, it just isn’t done (except maybe in college eating leftovers in the morning because the milk in the fridge is spoiled).

Most French people find it amusing that Americans and British eat such heavy breakfasts and many of them hold the misconception that we eat those big breakfasts every day of the week.

One of the things I really miss about living in the states is being able to go out to a restaurant for breakfast.  Everytime I go back to the US on vacation I hit my favorite breakfast spots. In France, restaurants don’t really do breakfast.  If you don’t have breakfast at home, then you would usually just grab a pastry from the Boulangerie (bakery) or a coffee in a café. The closest you get to an American breakfast in France is in hotels that cater to travelers.  Then they may have a breakfast buffet which will usually include scrambled eggs, bacon and/or sausage.  But it jsut isn’t the same as getting a ham and cheese omelette with hash browns and wheat toast…mmmm…

On the bright side, I am on my way to England for a few days so maybe I’ll have a “full English breakfast” tomorrow morning. It won’t be the same as Dean’s Café or Gus’ Coney Island, but it’ll have to do for now.

-Jeff